Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
as a side note pls kill me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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