The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
