i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize