somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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