One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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