I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
