I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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