this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize