The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
