She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
