I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
