He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
