I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
