I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
