Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
