Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
