Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
