Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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