When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
