Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
