I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
