So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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