So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
