If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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