I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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