It's like God shit irony all over that family
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
