I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
