Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
