I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize