Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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