you turned your livingroom into a bong?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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