My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
