he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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