They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
