vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
