Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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