in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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