return my video game
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
