I bet he comes in French.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
