I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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