the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
