Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
