Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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