do herpes really smell.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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