Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
