Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
