My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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