How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
