Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You are the jesus of drinking
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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