You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
