90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
