I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
