why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
