It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
