they need to just BURY HIM!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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