drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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