i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
