i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
