Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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