Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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