____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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