i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's blow job season.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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