meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
