I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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