One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize