I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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