So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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