Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
