I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
