FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
