WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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