If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize