I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize