elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
