She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
