We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
