His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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