The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
