just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
