So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
