My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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