It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
