I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
