Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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