Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
