oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
